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The Old Man and the Chair
The Old Man and the Chair
Every month or so I visit my ailing uncle in a nursing home on Long Island. He is the last living sibling of my mother. Alfonso is 91 years old, his memory is intact, but his body is failing. Just ask the nurses about Zio, he a regular Don Juan. His greatest joy when I visit is to wheel him out on the patio for fresh air, we reminisce about our family which are long gone, he asks of my children, but can’t remember their names, all is good with Zio Alfonso, I was named after him, my name is Al.
Every time we take the fresh air I notice an old man sitting off by himself in a make shaft rocking chair. He sits under this canapé, well not exactly, it is an old canvas tarp riddled with holes, and stares directly at the sky. The wind blows and the canapé flaps, I would find this mostly annoying having the wind in my face. The old man sits an stares for hours with a look of serenity on his face. His face is weathered like that of a man who worked outdoors, his hands were large and strong, they are calloused. His neck is broad and leather wore from direct sun. He appears to be about 90, when I ask my uncle about him, my uncle turns and says in his broken English, “pay no attention to him, he is an old fool, just sits and stares, and one comes to visit him.” My uncle lacked social skills and always had an opinion on everything. However, I paid the old man no mind as suggested.
Month after month I visit my uncle and see the old man, finally I had to ask the old man why he sits and stares. One day after visiting my uncle, who was nearing the end of his life, I got the nerve to ask him. I asked, “ why do you sit there old man?” He answered, “ this is my life now as I am an old man with no family, I sit and remember the past.” “Do you have any children, I queried?” “No,” replied the old man, “never had any, I was away from home most of my life and never settled down,” I thought how awful for the old man, alone and old. The old man said,” I am most content sitting and staring at the sky, I lost most of my eye sight some years ago from diabetes.”
I was intrigued, “ what was your occupation?” “I was a sailor,” he answered. “My home is the sea.” He went on and added, “ I joined the Navy at 16, fought in WWII, been sailing ever since.” Wow, I thought to myself, this guy is a living history book. “I long for the sea, the salt air, the wind that caressing my face, the burning of the sun on my neck, and the singing of whales.” “When was the last time you sailed?” The old man let go with a hardy laugh, some what similar to an old pirate. “ Argh, ha, ha, ha, its been maybe thirty years since I’ve sailed a schooner.” Now I’m thinking, a schooner is a small two masted boat. “Now, I just sit and feel the wind and listen to the flapping of the canapé, reminds me of the sails.” I said good bye and promised him when I returned to visit my uncle I would stop by and say hello.
The next month’s visit was saddened by the passing of my beloved Zio Alfonso. He had lived a long wonderful life, I soon realized that he was the last of the Italian immigrants arriving at Ellis Island over eighty years ago. I sat on the patio where I would wheel my uncle, I sat and stared, looking through the old man in the chair. When suddenly, someone yelled, “ hey, kid, I’m sorry about your uncle, come sit with me a while.” The old man in the chair sensed I was near.
“Why, thank you sir, he was the last of the elders.”
My Zio had left an inheritance for me, nothing big, I was his only close relative. Ten thousand dollars and a note that read, “ do something good for someone, or do someone something good.” He spoke in Yogi Berra-isms.
Never making sense at first, but eventually there were words of wisdom. I sat with the old man for an hour where I would sit with my Zio, on the back patio of the nursing home. The old man and I sat for hours never saying a word. When he suddenly said, “ would you please come see me time to time?” How could I possibly say no, he was lonely and I was still mourning my Zio. I reposted, “Certainly, maybe not every month but I will come visit with you, is there anything you need?” The old man though for a moment and said, “just a visit now and then.”
A month went by and I didn’t visit, I was feeling guilty, so the next Saturday I drove to the nursing home it was at the end of Long Island, Montauk. “Do something good for someone,” my Zio’s words resonated in my head. I had to make one stop before I visited the old man. When I arrived he was happy to see me and said, “ thanks for coming, I feel my end is near, it hasn’t been a good weak for me.” I spoke to the nurse, he was depressed and lonely. I asked the nurse if he could travel, she responded, “ only short distances with an aide.” Would he be able to take a quick ride over to the Montauk pier?” The nurse said as long as she went along.
The three of us hopped into one of the nursing homes’s van with the nurse driving.” Where are we going?”she questioned me. “Just to the pier as I winked my eye.” The old man was thrilled to be out and about. We pulled up the pier and we walked to the end, the old man knew he was close to the ocean as he inhaled deeply and sighed. I had rented a schooner for the day,” do something good for someone.” Yogi again in my head. I wheeled him to the bow and sat him in a fishing chair. As we slowly pulled away from the pier I could see the joy on his face. He finally had the wind in his sails, the sun on his neck and the seagulls were serenading him with the flapping of the sails. He quietly cried tears of joy.
When the sailing trip was done he thanked me for the wonderful memory and I promised to visit next month. The next month’s visit was my last, the old man passed away. The nursing staff said they had never seen him so happy during the last month. Before his cremation was scheduled I called the State Department to let them know of his passing. They said the Navy will depose of the his body. Three days later the United States Navy showed up with an entire fleet of sailors. He had been one of the last survivors of the USS Arizona in Pearl Harbor.
The old man in the chair was given a full naval funeral with a burial at sea in Pearl Harbor, where he now rests with his shipmates.
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11 Replies
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He doesn’t say much else, but his eyes seem to hold a lifetime of stories.
You sit with him for hours and listen.
He tells you about growing up in the South during the Great Depression and working as a sharecropper from an early age.
He describes the struggles of his family and neighbors to survive, the racism they faced, and the bonds they formed in their poverty.
He shares memories of picking cotton all day under a scorching sun, never having enough to eat or wear.
The older man speaks with a mix of resignation and pride. He acknowledges the unfairness of his circumstances but also recognizes his resilience and those around him.
It’s clear that these memories are painful for him to relive, but he says it’s important to remember where he came from.
This encounter is deeply moving for you because:
It reminds you how much history can be contained within one person’s life story.
It shows you that people may carry hidden depths beneath their outward appearances.
It reinforces your belief in the power of empathy and listening to others’ stories.
He never had kids because he wasn’t home enough and didn’t stay.
But he said he liked it when I sat with him, and we could look at the sky.
It was diabetes, mostly blind.
Occupation: Sailor. Navy at 16. WWII vet.
He missed the ocean and talked about how much he loved it. He’d close his eyes and talk about things like salt air, wind, sun on his face…even whale songs.
Hasn’t sailed in about thirty years or so now.
When that canopy flaps, it reminds him of sails; it connects where he is now to where he came from, you could say. Haha
You told him you’d return to see him next time you’re here with your uncle.
There are a few things this interaction brings up for me:
How important it is to take time getting to know people – especially elderly folks
The fact that each person carries such a deep history within them, often hidden by what sits right in front of us
Adaptability (i.e., finding comfort in wind/flapping canopy)
Memories/senses as identity-keepers
Peace is complicated. It seems like the older man is quite okay even though he’s alone and can barely see anymore…
Something tells me you don’t get asked about yourself too often, kid. It’s good to have your ears worked every once in a while…you never know what’ll fall out!
I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly what you were expecting. I hope I didn’t scare you off or nothin’! I’ve been thinking lately about how stories are everywhere around us; they’re just missed most of the time.
Next month’s visit was sad without my dear Zio Alfonso. The daydreamer who took over my thoughts when my body went numb from pushing that wheelchair round and round our patio. I looked through the older man in the chair from where I sat across our yard, and he knew I was there when that canopy flapped.”Hey, kid, sit with me for a while.I’m sorry about your uncle.” Thank you, sir. He was my last elder.””
He left me something, which surprised me because I didn’t know he had anything to leave behind. It wasn’t much—ten thousand dollars and a note in Yogi Berra-isms:”Do something good for someone… or do someone something good”
This experience changed you in some way, too.
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Everything I write has changed me
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For the better, I hope. Peter, hope everything is going well with you, Doreen, and your family on your move to your brand new home. Waiting for you to post tons of pictures of Bullet and your new home. Let’s connect soon, my friend.
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We will connect soon, I’m spending the first night alone tomorrow with the dogs and no furniture, that should be interesting. Moving truck comes Monday, the fence is done. Very tired from Bullet, he is a joyful handful. I will have a story about him. Thanks again Gustan Cho!
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July has been a very hectic month for you and Doreen, Peter. A lot has happened especially with the mortgage process and bumps towards closing. Moving is a huge deal. All the years worth of furniture, belongings, moving to a new area and a brand new home. To top it off, you adopted Bullet, a five month old Doberman Pinscher. Five month old puppies are a handful. They have so much energy that it can and will drain anyone out. I got Chase when he was seven months old and boy was he a handful. They will make you laugh though. Take a lot of pictures and videos because it is once in a lifetime moments. I still look back at pictures and video clips of my late dogs who passed. Anyway, lots of great lifechanging events happened to the Arcuri Family. Talk to you soon, my friend.
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I should have waited for the dog, I thought introducing him to my Lab’s home would calm his dominance. Too much energy, we will talk Monday I’ll be at the new house waiting for family and furniture, dogs will be with me, thanks for being a good friend.
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Good morning Peter. Yes, any dogs under a year old is high energy and their mission in life is getting attention and love from their owners and they want to play. Regardless, what’s a four legged buddy who loves you during your time of moving in to a brand new house. Memories. Precious memories. For me, I had 11 dogs when I got Chase and Chase had worms and parasite where I had to separate Chase from other dogs when he had to go potty. I got a fenced yard but I had to take him three to five times a day out on the side yard alone even during the harsh winter. It took five or more months to get his parasite eliminated. Monthly tool tests, and boy was it a pain in the ass. Many times I took him out and brought him in the house and he shit five minutes after I brought him in. During that time I too regreted getting him with so many dogs but you get used to it and if I think about it now, my big guy Chase makes me happy and makes me laugh every single day. I would not trade what I did getting him for anything in the world. Chase and I developed a great communication program with eye contact and little body motions. He brings me his red ball when he wants to go out on the side yard and looks at me where I can see the bottom whites of his eye. If I ignore him, he will drop the ball in front of me, looks at me while the dog rolls in front of me, and just stares at me and the ball. He repeats the process three to four times and he knows he got me. How can I say NO to this. No matter how busy I am, I then head towards the garage side door and he knows he got me. He grabs his red ball (size of a softball full of bite holes from his teeth) and heads to the side door ahead of me. However, every three feet he turns around to make sure I am still heading to the door. He broncos like a pony because he is so happy with the ball in his mouth and awaits for me to get by the door. I open the door and he heads out so proud. He’s by me or with me all day, and whereever I go, he comes along. There are so many stories I can tell about Chase and I that is will make you laugh. You got Bullet at the right age. Spend tons of time with him. Take him whereever you drive to. I got a remote auto start for my truck so when I go to the grocery story, I can have the air conditioning running for him. i normally take Chase and two little dogs with me whenever I run errands. I do not want to take too many dogs with me because of security reasons where a thief may see what a cute little puppy, why don’t I take one for the family. That would suck. Anyways, enjoy the rest of your weekend and lets chat tomorrow or Tuesday. I got a busy morning tomorrow morning with a few new hirees so afternoon will be better or anytime you are available. No worries about me, Peter. Just do whatever you need to do and lets get to chatting on a regular basis. Post pics of your new home and bullet.
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I love Doberman Pinschers especially the black and rust. I know there are different color mix of Doberman Pinscher dogs. Black/ Rust, Brown/Rust, Blue, and White.
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Here’s Bullet, Peter and Doreen Arcuri 5 month 40 pound male Doberman Pinscher in Ocala, Florida. Like other 5 month old pups, Bullet is keeping himself busy chewing anything in site he can see. Shoes, rugs, furniture, items on nightstands, are all fair game.
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